web series with friendsSHIP and relationSHIP expert
dr. melanie ross mills
incorporating pop culture examples into our daily relationships
What about our ships? How often have we been faced with the tough decision of supporting a friend when we don't necessarily agree with their decision, causing "rudder" confusion!? Learning how to support without enabling is a life friendship gift. How can we can “adjust”our direction when our friends’ “rudder" is going in a direction that we might not agree with? Share from our hearts IN LOVE (not judgement, fear, emotionally charged). Let them know how we feel and state our concerns. Listen to our friends' perspective on the matter and be sensitive to validating their feelings. Discuss how we can come together in light of not agreeing with one another. Let our friend know that it’s only because we care that we’re expressing our concern. Remind them that we’re there for them even if we have to implement some boundaries. We might need to distance ourselves in certain circumstances, but this doesn't mean we don't care deeply for them. It’s not our job to get our friends into “ship shape,” but true friends speak the truth in love with room to grow.
Friend Report Card
What about our ships? Have you ever considered a Friendship Report? A way to check in and see where you stand, examine where you could improve, and connect in new and deeper ways? Let's grab our friends and make a game of assessing where and how we can cultivate deeper bonds in our friendships. Together, create our own categories that apply to our friend style, approach, and priorities. Category Ideas: Keeping on another’s confidences Making one another laugh Being spontaneous Wing man/woman capabilities 911 Availability Building one another up Having one another’s best interest in mind This is a fun girls night out exercise and it’s a great way to check in and make sure our besties aren’t wanting to JUMP SHIP!
Fear of Commitment
What about our ships? Fears can hold us back from taking the most exciting, life impacting risks that could change the direction of our ships. Leaving us feeling regret, FOMO, and the "what if's." How can we work through fears that hold us back? Embrace that we will never be perfect. Ship wrecks are bound to happen. We can’t avoid them and we usually can’t CONTROL them. Communicate our emotions, mindsets, feelings that contribute to our root of fear. Decide. Make a choice. Remind ourselves that we can’t go "out to sea" (move forward) if fear is our anchor. We will get stuck. Lift your heavy anchor and sail forward in one small step. Each lift of the anchor makes us more confident for our exciting sailing adventure.
What about our ships? You know when someone REALLY want be friends with you and they don't measure on your friend barometer? You know when you are super to drawn to someone and you aren't on their friend radar? How do we handle a friend not wanting to hang with us (and they haven't figured our we're wonderful yet). Free ourselves and accept that we aren’t their ship type and that’s okay. Look forward to the next ship that comes along. We don’t need to force friendship. It might be hard to accept at first because no one likes to feel rejected or not accepted. We remember that this opens us up to a new ship that’s headed our direction. So let’s lift our anchor and head to a new port!
What about our ships? Friends! As mons, we're all trying to find our way. What can we do as moms to “cast off” together? Be as honest as we can with the moms that are trustworthy and honest too. I’m telling you, even the perfect super-model moms that drive the perfect car, have the perfect spouse, perfect children, perfect house in the perfect neighborhood ARE NOT PERFECT. Everyone will experience a battle, hardship, trial, struggles. No one gets through motherhood without the opportunity to be humbled. So for the rest of us (the non-super models) with motherhood challenges... Spend time with the honest moms and see the beauty and the opportunities for growth. It really helps. Nothing against the perfect moms, but we need some real chit chat. The imperfect moms are the best! They give us freedom to admit our children aren’t perfect and we will never be perfect.
What about our ships? It’s always worth the time and energy to look at whether or not we need to abandon ship because we’re slowly sinking OR batten down to secure the hatches because we’ve got a friend worth treasuring Do we celebrate our friend’s successes or do we experience jealousy, envy, competition? Do we know why are we hanging out with the friends we are hanging out with? Define it. Are we bonding out of commonalities, convenience, co-dependency, personal agenda’s, tradition, expectations? What’s connecting us with our friends?
What about our ships? Waters can get a little turbulent when we're trying to enter a new friend group. Especially if we're misunderstood, being judged, or perceived inaccurately. How can we avoid ship wrecks and sail smoothly during this transition? Cultivate a natural curiosity when getting to know new people. Don’t make it all about you. You might feel tempted to talk a lot about yourself, but hold back a little. Get to know your new group of peeps. Listen. Ask questions. Take an interest. Try not to complain. It's a downer. Add to the group environment as an asset. Embrace your strengths and let them enjoy your company. Share your life. Let them get to know you. You don’t need to over share (not yet at least). Let them enjoy your company. Be patient. Building bonds takes time. Let life take it’s natural course, but put in the effort you need on your end to reciprocate. Relax and appreciate the strengths of your new friends. Identify which ones have the potential to be good friends. Keep the unsafe friends at bay, but appreciate them for who they are because we all have the opportunity to change.
Drop Anchors in Friendship
What about our ships? We all love to feel supported by our friends. We all love the freedom to be vulnerable when needed and strong when called upon. Supporting one another puts wind in our sails. How can we continue to give one another grace as put all of our “boat” pieces together so the we can “float” through life together and solidify deeper connections? Give one another room to grow. Seek to understand what’s going on below the surface. Often times our side-ways responses are about something that’s going on below the surface. Make an effort to experience life together. Laugh, play, be real. Be the friend to others that you to would like to have for yourself.
What about our ships? We all need anchors in our lives. For those that we do have, how can we let them know we appreciate them? Each os us are much better off being anchored to family, friends, mentors, coaches, life impacters that accept us for who we are. Not because of what we do, will do, or have done. We are changed people when we experience a love that is not based on conditions, seasonal, or circumstantial. A love that transcends our mistakes, mishaps, misguided times in life. We are gifted to have a few anchored people in our lives. Who are your few? You know, the ones you'd call from jail? Write down three people that come to mind. Write down why they are your chosen three. Reach out to them and let them know why they are valuable to you in your life. Thank them for loving you just as you are. We all need anchored friends that will sail through life with us, weather the storms, and offer us a get out of jail free card.